Monday, September 13, 2010

I did it!

It's nice to sit down, take a big breath and say I did it.  I pulled off hosting a 50th birthday party which is something I certainly wanted to do but wondered how I would manage.  I had moments Thursday through Saturday when honestly I wanted to crawl into my bed and go to sleep.  I wondered how I would get through the organising, the cleaning, the timing, the baking and all the preparations that go into such an occasion.  I knew I was capable because in the past I organised my own 40th, did all the catering etc.  I've hosted 16th and 18th birthday parties too but perhaps at those times I was in a slightly different frame of mind.

So what did I do?  There was an incredible amount of self talk going on in my head.  You can do it, one step at a time, concentrate on doing one thing at a time, check your list.  The other thing I did was take regular small breaks, you might say it was a kind of reward I gave myself for achieving tasks on the list.  I had my laptop on so I could do a bit of a browse through blog land while I had a cuppa.  It seemed to do the trick.

Saturday morning was probably my most difficult time as I had such a lot to do.  There was a point where I felt myself teetering on the edge of extreme anxiety so I sat myself down on the bed (didn't crawl in, yay) and did my best to do some yoga breathing and meditation for ten minutes.  The small mental break was quite helpful and I was able to get on with it.

We all had a wonderful evening and I was so happy to see everyone enjoying themselves and my cooking.  :-)  Getting through those moments of anxiety was an achievement and gave me a bit of confidence that I can use strategies to get through.

In a future post I want to talk about anxiety and panic attacks as they seem to go hand in hand with my depressive episodes. I'm wondering if other people suffer this too and and how they handle it.  But right now it's time for some Zzzzzz.


  1. Congratulations - now you know you CAN do things like this you maybe won't feel so fearful in the future. A big pat on the back to you! I know what you mean about one job at a time - I have stood in front of a sink full of washing up before now and wondered how I will get through it! How daft is that but every journey is taken one step at a time and we can do anything if we bear this in mind. I will be interested to hear wht you say about panic attacks and anxiety as I could probably get a PhD in those and have pretty much recovered by the simple (not easy mind you!) process of ACCEPTANCE. I'll be back.

    Jane x

  2. I'm so glad everything went well, that is such a big achievement.

  3. You are amazing. My youngest is still trying to talk me into having just one family or so over and promising to do all the work. Of cours, I know that all those high bits need cleaning and all those extra bits I pile on myself make it impossible. I've just realised this morning that the makeup sales party to be hosted at our place is in two weekends. How am I ever going to get there. I'm going to continue to ignore it today and then maybe give myself little short spots to work on towards getting things where I expect them to be. It's crazy because once apon a time it took less than a day to do everything.
    Don't know if you are on medication but I have found in the last year that anxiety attacks seem to surface when I have been slack with taking my tablets regularily and in the correct dose. I am meant to take 2 1/2 tabs but have gone back to two for the convenience and am not sure if that is really wise for the long run. However, 2 1/2 is the max for this brand and I want to know that I have something up my sleeve for if things get really tough again. So when the attacks come, usually while I am driving somewhere, I practise the slow, deep breating - holding the breath for a few seconds at the end of each exhale/inhale. I have found that holding it even helps if I get chest pain.
    Once again a big congrats to you. Cherrie

  4. Thanks for your encouragement ladies.