Do you ever wake up in the morning and think I can't do this anymore? I did this morning. It's a yuk place to be and while having a shower (my thinking box), tried to analyse what was different about this morning as opposed to every other morning. I think I have some of it worked out. I have too much to do today. From someone else's point of view the things I need to do today are easily achievable. It would mean they would be busy, but it would be doable. For me it's akin to climbing Mt Everest.
I learnt many years ago that stress is not my best friend and I do all I can to avoid having to much to do on one day. Unfortunately there are things to be done today that have to be done today. The dog food has run out so that's a trip to the vet. Our dog has allergies so she has to have a special food. The chook food has run out, so it's off to the produce shop to pick up pellets and wheat. I make my own bread and I need gluten flour so it's a trip to another shop, not my regular supermarket. At least while I'm there I can buy coffee (the one we like), dried paw paw for home made muesli and some fish for our evening meal. And while I'm down that way it makes sense to visit Aldi to stock up on some staples that they have at a much more reasonable price than the other supermarkets.
This morning I had a yoga class and although I know I always feel better afterwards, initially it was just another thing to fit in. I'm so glad I went though. So after the lovely calmness of yoga it was off the the chemist for a prescription (need those happy pills) and another supermarket to pick up the other ingredients for the muesli which ran out this morning. Ggrrrrr!! Both hubbie and I have muesli for breakfast and the day doesn't feel right if we don't start out with our bowl of muesli. Yes, a little strange I know. While I was in that particular shopping precinct, I popped into a slightly alternative clothing shop in the desperate hope of finding something to wear to the ballet. If you read my other blog, you'll know all about that frustrating story. Well I came out empty handed. Double Ggrrrrrrr!!!
By now my stomach is grumbling and I'm in desperate need of sustainence and coffee, so homeward bound and here I am. Meanwhile the wash has finished and needs attending to. Do I risk putting it on the outside line as it's windy, but rain is threatening? Or do I put it in the drier? Just more things to think about, organise and actually do. So as I sit here typing this post I know I have to go out again and do all the things I first started talking about in this post. And I absolutely must drop in the birthday card I made for a friend and forgot to give her last night while I was visiting. All this driving around, getting in and out of the car multiple times, I'm so glad I don't have little children anymore.
All I want to do is have a nice big nap, some peace and quiet, a big sit down and very slowly do some relaxing craft. Tomorrow I need to do the big grocery shop, urrgghhhh. Then Thursday it's usually my housecleaning day and I have a hair appointment. All these things are o.k. to do in themselves but I just hate having to go our all the time, it's so disruptive to my state of mind. The mind is screaming at me for some quiet, time to just be. Oh well there you have it, an almighty winge about everyday stuff other people take in their stride but I don't seem to be able to.
I feel like my children are only getting the dregs of their mother. What kind of memories will they have of me? How will my actions, attitudes and struggles with daily life impact on their future lives and how they manage everyday stresses? It places a certain pressure on you to be something other than what you are feeling.
So can I leave this post on a positive note? Let's see. I have a car and can drive. Today I am healthy. I can walk, see, hear, taste, touch. We have enough money to purchase what we need. I don't live in a war torn country. I have a lovely home and garden. And when I get home from the next outing I can have a cup of tea, a big sit down and I might even manage a nap. So once again I remind myself, one step at time Anne!