Insidious is the perfect word to describe depression. It's sneeks up on you without you even being aware of what is taking place. I want to know how I can go from feeling relatively chirpy to feeling like I'm in a very dark place with in a matter of an hour or less. Obviously there are some thought patterns that got me here but sometimes I just can't fathom it at all.
Take this morning for example. My hubbie brings me in a cuppa' before he heads of to work (there is no school run today as Miss G has the day off school), I don't have to rush to be out the door. So it's a leisurely morning where I can eat breakfast slowly. Somewhere between then and now the dark stormy clouds rolled in and I don't understand why. I just want to go back to bed and sleep and not think, to have a rest from the misery that I am feeling.
However I know that it will not solve anything. I feel like kicking and screaming because there is this almighty war going on inside my head. Go to bed and sleep, no get up and do something active, go to bed, do something active or creative. And on it goes.
So how do I get past this yuckiness that visits me without warning? I think only of the next few minutes, not the next hour, or the rest of the day. Basically I have to stop thinking and just be in the moment and not everybody has that luxury. There are people suffering depression with little children to care for (I've been there). There are people holding down jobs because they have a family relying on them. There are many different people in many different situations struggling to cope with the dark stormy clouds.
Sometimes I feel like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde because I have this blog to talk out the black stuff and the I have my Ungardened moments blog which is all about the happy, fun, creative stuff. I suppose it is a good thing to separate the two states of mind at least on a computer, pretty hard to do that in your head.
So today it will be one step at a time, tiny little steps and I'll not think about what needs to be done. If gets done great, if it doesn't it just too bad. I think I might start my next 60 seconds with a cup of coffee. Yes, I can do that.