Handling stress and running on empty

Life is a continual juggling act I've decided.  After recently having a husband collapse at work while I was interstate visiting my parents, resolving complicated issues with one daughter and supporting the other daughter who is stressed out to the max with her last year of school, I'm feel I'm rather running on empty at the moment.

Today I thought I would visit the nearest big shopping centre as it's the only place I can buy bags for my vacuum cleaner.  While there I could have a bit of a wander, have a coffee and basically have a little me time.  WELL....that was being just a bit too hopeful, wasn't it.  I get a text message from daughter No. 1 saying "I need you mum."  My heart starts pounding, my stomach is churning, oh my, what's going on.  She came down with a migraine not long after I left home and managed a couple of hours without me.  She goes numb on one side, gets strange vision and feels rather woozy in the head.  I'm sure it must be quite horrible for her. She had done all the right things, she was in bed, had taken pain killers, had been drinking water, but she was scared because I wasn't home.  Goodness, how are these girls going to manage when hubby and I go overseas next year?!!!

I'm feeling altogether bogged down with domestic issues at the moment and am longing to have a bit of space where I can just be me without thinking about what time someone needs picking up, what's for dinner, the washing needs doing, I need to put the bread on, the biscuit tin is empty, the chooks are running out of food, does hubby need some shirts ironed for work, the floor needs vacuuming, the bathroom is mouldy, my house is messy and dusty....and all I want to do is either sleep or paint.  Blah, blah, blah!!!!!  :)  There, I've said it.  I'll be alright now, just needed to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening to my grumbles.

Anne

Visiting my tree

It's time for me to visit my tree again to remind myself I can indeed stand up when I'm falling down.  The past few months have been nice ones with school holidays taking away much of the daily stress that contributes so much to how I feel.  Well the holidays are well and truly over and it's back to the normal routine with a few changes here and there.

Miss G. is in her last year of school and with it bringing many new challenges for her.  She has a lighter load than other students as she put in a lot of hard work last year to complete two VCE subjects.  That means she has more free time during the school day and is able to get some of her homework done at school.  We hope this means life will be a little easier for her at home, but it doesn't seem to be working out that way so far.  We have had quite a few discussions on how to manage time, be organised etc., all those things essential for reducing stress.  Hopefully some of it will be taken on board.  She has a leadership position this year which brings it's own set of stresses, however she seems to be thriving in the environment which is good.

This is such an interesting time for both of us, as a teenager becomes closer to the age of legally being an adult, the transition to making their own decisions and being responsible for themselves but also still needing support from Mum and Dad.  I'm sure it must be quite frustrating, exciting and a little bit scary for her.  Meanwhile I sit back and observe and hope I can offer sound advice if she asks for it. 

So the focus this year will be very much on Miss G. and while this is as it needs to be, in amongst the craziness this year will bring, I need to remember to look after me so I can look after her.  And how best to do that is something I'm experimenting with.  I have done a lot of soul searching about what is important to me and I still come back to things like, being still, being in the moment, being quiet.  Rushing around and being too busy is not for me.  I am looking at a book from the library at the moment with advice that is relevent to where I think my state of mind and body should be.  I've found it to be quite comforting and if when I get to the end I still like it, I might purchase a copy to have on my bedside table.

Another thing I'm finding helpful to get the day of to a better start is to clear my mind and sit for a few minutes to just be.  I am trying to walk in the morning for exercise and am finding that I'm out the door in a big rush before I've had time to do this.  Time constraints and all that.  Still, it's something I can keep working toward.

It's been nice visiting my tree again.  I'm so glad I have this space/place to mull things over.

Anne

Update

It's been a while since I posted on this blog and I think (?), possibly that's a good thing.  I do find summer (what little we are having with all the rain) so much easier to cope with.  There is more light for one thing and I'm not cold.  When it isn't raining, the back yard is another room for playing in, whether that be gardening or watching dragonflies.

I've had the odd moments of despair and anxiety during the lead up to Christmas and the past week or so, but overall I'm travelling o.k.  School holidays are nice for me as Miss G. is relaxed and not bringing her stress home.  I'm quietly contemplating how I will manage this year with her being in her last year of school.  This is the big one.  I guess it will be managed by remembering to take one step at a time, not panic and not take on her stress. 

This Sunday I will be going to visit my parents in W.A. on the farm where I grew up.  I'll be there just over a week and am looking forward to seeing wide open spaces, lots of sunshine, plenty of hot weather and of course my family.  I might even take a walk to look at my "Standing Up When Falling Down" tree in my blog photo if I can dodge the snakes and not enhale too many flies. :) 

I hope everyone else is going o.k. and hopefully I might come back with some nice photos to share.

Bye for now,

Anne

Muddling along

It's been quite a while since posting on here and I think that is mainly a good thing.  I certainly have enjoyed feeling better the last few weeks and I'm positive the nicer weather has had an impact on me.  In complete contrast to yesterday which was sunny, warm and about 28C, today is gloomy and raining with 19mm of rain falling overnight.  I do love the rain for the garden, for adding water to our water reservoirs but please bring back the sun.  PLEASE!!!

I found the stress reducing commandments below over on the delightful blog Marigold Jam.
I've seen them somewhere else before but had completely forgotten about them.  I think I might just have to add them as a permanent fixture on this blog to remind myself how important they are.

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR REDUCING STRESS

1 Thou shalt not be perfect nor even try to be

2 Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people

3 Thou shalt leave undone some things which ought to be done

4 Thou shalt not spread thyself too thin

5 Thou shalt learn to say "No"

6 Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy supportive network

7 Thou shalt switch off and do nothing regularly

8 Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and inattentive at times

9 Thou shalt not ever feel guilty

10 Especially thou shalt not be thine own worst enemy but thy best friend

I've certainly learnt some of the things on this marvellous list, others I fail at dismally.  I grapple with No. 1 continually.  I am a perfectionist by nature so living with untidyness drives me nuts.  

I would like to add another commandment to this list, 'Thou shalt not apologise to anyone for who you are.'   It's very easy to be concerned about what other people think of you when your house is less than tidy and needs a good clean.  You are still in your Pj's at 11.00am on a Saturday morning blogging when other people are out doing the weekly shop, taking the kids to sport or doing some other industrious thing.  Your mind is on some wonderful creative activity instead of making sure your daughters school clothes are being washed so she will have something to wear come Monday morning.  All in good time, it will get done eventually, just not yet.  Surely it's time for a nap.

Today might be a little less wonderful than yesterday but I'll find some things to make me smile.  I'll daydream a bit more about designing images for a lino print and try and try to loose the feeling that I might make a mistake and mess it up.  (The perfectionist side is coming out).  I'll take pleasure in the fact that yesterday I made a lovely shell and button hanging thingy to put out in my garden room.  And I'll certainly be smiling when my hubbie walks back through the door after taking Miss G. to swimming squad.

I hope everyone finds something to smile about today.

Anne

No routines, less stress.

Today was a gorgeous day weather wise, the first warm day we've had in a long, long time.  Our winter has been incredibly long, grey, wet and cold and it's a time when I never get enough vitamin D. 

When I woke up this morning and saw all that sunshine, there was only one thing I felt like doing and that was get out into the garden and tackle some of the weeds that still managed to grow without sunshine during the cold months.  It felt soooo good to get my hands in the soil again, to breathe in fresh air, to be totally absorbed in something I love without any distractions.

We have had school holidays here for the past two weeks so there has been a little bit of respite from the normal routine which I hate so much.  Deadlines, schedules, demands, have to do this, must do that.  The absence of the stresses of the normal routine have made me realise just how much I don't do routines.  Well I do them, but not well.   Routines cause me stress and stress contributes to depression.

With Miss G. on school holidays, she's not as stressed either.   It's surprising to realise just how much of her stress filters through to me.   I suppose that's because she chats to me about her homework deadlines, difficulties with certain subjects etc.  So how do I learn not take the stress of everybody else on board.  I don't know.

Does anybody else struggle with this?  I'd love to hear about your strategies.

Wishing you a stress free Sunday.

Anne 

Stress is not my best friend

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think I can't do this anymore?  I did this morning.  It's a yuk place to be and while having a shower (my thinking box), tried to analyse what was different about this morning as opposed to every other morning.  I think I have some of it worked out.  I have too much to do today.  From someone else's point of view the things I need to do today are easily achievable.  It would mean they would be busy, but it would be doable.  For me it's akin to climbing Mt Everest.

I learnt many years ago that stress is not my best friend and I do all I can to avoid having to much to do on one day.  Unfortunately there are things to be done today that have to be done today.  The dog food has run out so that's a trip to the vet.  Our dog has allergies so she has to have a special food.  The chook food has run out, so it's off to the produce shop to pick up pellets and wheat.  I make my own bread and I need gluten flour so it's a trip to another shop, not my regular supermarket.  At least while I'm there I can buy coffee (the one we like), dried paw paw for home made muesli  and some fish for our evening meal.  And while I'm down that way it makes sense to visit Aldi to stock up on some staples that they have at a much more reasonable price than the other supermarkets.

This morning I had a yoga class and although I know I always feel better afterwards, initially it was just another thing to fit in.  I'm so glad I went though.  So after the lovely calmness of yoga it was off the the chemist for a prescription (need those happy pills) and another supermarket to pick up the other ingredients for the muesli which ran out this morning.  Ggrrrrr!!   Both hubbie and I have muesli for breakfast and the day doesn't feel right if we don't start out with our bowl of muesli.  Yes, a little strange I know.  While I was in that particular shopping precinct,  I popped into a slightly alternative clothing shop in the desperate hope of finding something to wear to the ballet.  If you read my other blog, you'll know all about that frustrating story.  Well I came out empty handed.  Double Ggrrrrrrr!!!

By now my stomach is grumbling and I'm in desperate need of sustainence and coffee, so homeward bound and here I am.  Meanwhile the wash has finished and needs attending to.  Do I risk putting it on the outside line as it's windy, but rain is threatening?  Or do I put it in the drier?  Just more things to think about, organise and actually do.  So as I sit here typing this post I know I have to go out again and do all the things I first started talking about in this post.  And I absolutely must drop in the birthday card I made for a friend and forgot to give her last night while I was visiting.  All this driving around, getting in and out of the car multiple times, I'm so glad I don't have little children anymore.

All I want to do is have a nice big nap, some peace and quiet, a big sit down and very slowly do some relaxing craft.  Tomorrow I need to do the big grocery shop, urrgghhhh.  Then Thursday it's usually my housecleaning day and I have a hair appointment.   All these things are o.k. to do in themselves but I just hate having to go our all the time, it's so disruptive to my state of mind.  The mind is screaming at me for some quiet, time to just be.  Oh well there you have it, an almighty winge about everyday stuff other people take in their stride but I don't seem to be able to.

I feel like my children are only getting the dregs of their mother.  What kind of memories will they have of me?  How will my actions, attitudes and struggles with daily life impact on their future lives and how they manage everyday stresses?  It places a certain pressure on you to be something other than what you are feeling.

So can I leave this post on a positive note?  Let's see.   I have a car and can drive.   Today I am healthy.  I can walk, see, hear, taste, touch.  We have enough money to purchase what we need.  I don't live in a war torn country.  I have a lovely home and garden.  And when I get home from the next outing I can have a cup of tea, a big sit down and I might even manage a nap.  So once again I remind myself, one step at time Anne!