This post has been mulling around in my mind for a few weeks after a situation which knocked me over with a feather. Before I go any further, the situation has since been resolved but I am left wondering who I am. Oh I know who I am, but I'm asking the question of myself, who is the person who reacted so emotionally. I can never, ever remember being so full of despair, so gob smacked by something before. I am the type of person who is a problem solver, I'm stubborn and never give up and I have never before felt that there was nothing I could do.
Where did that feeling leave me? Sobbing uncontrollably for an age. Nobody in my family knew how to help me, what to say to me, what to do. I didn't know either. Remembering that night is not pleasant.....realising that I could be so affected by something and have no control over my emotions was very confronting.
In relection, I've realised a number of things -
1. I still don't know myself 100%.
2. Some situations need time to be resolved.
3. There are some things that are beyond my control and that's o.k.
4. I need to develop more patience and understanding, not only with myself but with others.
5. Communication is the single most important thing in any situation.
6. Always try to see the big picture and be prepared to look at something from someone else's perspective.
7. When your head is telling you to butt out of something but your intuition is telling you to butt in, follow your intuition, it's always right.
8. Life is about expecting the unexpected.
9. Remember that life's experiences are opportunities to learn things about other people and yourself.
10. Emotions are a part of life even if they can sometimes be overwhelming, it's what makes us human.
May life not throw anymore surprises at me just yet, I need to take a big breath.
Anne
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Irrational thoughts
This morning we awoke to another beautiful sunny day, perfect for hanging clothes on the line and other general outside activities. But what was I thinking about? I really need to vacuum and wash the floor, it hasn't been done for ages. I was quite prepared to get out the vacuum cleaner and mop and clean away.
But something happened in between waking up, breakfast and a shower. I went from downright cheerful to panic attack in about 15 minutes. I have no idea what bought this all on. Well perhaps I do, it's the contemplating back to the routine, stresses and what I talked about yesterday. Funny how we think we are o.k. with it all but the subconscious is doing it's thing.
After my shower I came out looking for hubbie as a he gives the best hugs in the world and that is usually something that helps me catch my breath and calm down. I couldn't find him. I looked in all the usual places he might be. No hubbie. Then I realised his car wasn't in the driveway. He never goes anywhere without telling me he is going out or leaving a note. By this time I was seriously freaking out as this was such uncharacteristic behaviour for him. (I'd just like to point out here, I do not stop my gorgeous hubbie from doing his own thing. I'm not a controlling wife, shudder, we just always let each other know where we will be etc.) His phone and wallet were gone, Miss C. had already gone for the day and Miss G. had just risen from her slumber so she was in the dark as to his location as well. I rang his mobile only to get voice mail. FREAKING OUT BIG TIME NOW! About 5 minutes after I rang he phoned me to see what I wanted. Oh it was so good to hear his voice. Apparently he had taken Miss C. to the bus 'cos she was running late, had decided to take a little detour on the way home and when I rang, his phone was not connected to hands free and had fallen on the floor of the car.
When I knew he was safe, hadn't done a runner, I cried bucket loads. Silly irrational thoughts, he would never run off and leave me ever. He is just not that type of person. It wasn't about me not believing in him or trusting him, it was about me being in a fragile emotional state and allowing my world to tilt.
So this brings me to the question I've been pondering for some time now. Am I too dependent on my hubbie for my emotional strength? Am I too reliant on him to get me through my difficult times? Do I need to develop a bit more backbone? I believe I need to. So how do you learn to be self reliant emotionally while maintaining the sharing in a relationship? It's a big one, isn't it? I also want to teach my daughters by example that we have the ability to be emotionally self reliant. I sure don't feel like I'm doing that at the moment.
Does anyone else grapple with this? Many people don't have partners, what do they do to cope, to be emotionally self reliant? There is no choice for them. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
But something happened in between waking up, breakfast and a shower. I went from downright cheerful to panic attack in about 15 minutes. I have no idea what bought this all on. Well perhaps I do, it's the contemplating back to the routine, stresses and what I talked about yesterday. Funny how we think we are o.k. with it all but the subconscious is doing it's thing.
After my shower I came out looking for hubbie as a he gives the best hugs in the world and that is usually something that helps me catch my breath and calm down. I couldn't find him. I looked in all the usual places he might be. No hubbie. Then I realised his car wasn't in the driveway. He never goes anywhere without telling me he is going out or leaving a note. By this time I was seriously freaking out as this was such uncharacteristic behaviour for him. (I'd just like to point out here, I do not stop my gorgeous hubbie from doing his own thing. I'm not a controlling wife, shudder, we just always let each other know where we will be etc.) His phone and wallet were gone, Miss C. had already gone for the day and Miss G. had just risen from her slumber so she was in the dark as to his location as well. I rang his mobile only to get voice mail. FREAKING OUT BIG TIME NOW! About 5 minutes after I rang he phoned me to see what I wanted. Oh it was so good to hear his voice. Apparently he had taken Miss C. to the bus 'cos she was running late, had decided to take a little detour on the way home and when I rang, his phone was not connected to hands free and had fallen on the floor of the car.
When I knew he was safe, hadn't done a runner, I cried bucket loads. Silly irrational thoughts, he would never run off and leave me ever. He is just not that type of person. It wasn't about me not believing in him or trusting him, it was about me being in a fragile emotional state and allowing my world to tilt.
So this brings me to the question I've been pondering for some time now. Am I too dependent on my hubbie for my emotional strength? Am I too reliant on him to get me through my difficult times? Do I need to develop a bit more backbone? I believe I need to. So how do you learn to be self reliant emotionally while maintaining the sharing in a relationship? It's a big one, isn't it? I also want to teach my daughters by example that we have the ability to be emotionally self reliant. I sure don't feel like I'm doing that at the moment.
Does anyone else grapple with this? Many people don't have partners, what do they do to cope, to be emotionally self reliant? There is no choice for them. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Emotional roller coastering and distractions
Today has been a day of emotional roller coastering. Is that even a word? Too bad, I like it. :-) I really don't know if this is unique to me or whether other people go through such a range of emotions in one day. It's a bit exhausting I must say! So today I had a period of time when I was really angry and I have absolutely no idea why. That's the bit that gets me, I like explanations for things. Then I had times when I was very happy, that was really NICE!!! Add to that a little bit of sadness and a lot of joy.
When I get angry I just don't know what to do with it, especially when there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. As I have done on many occasions before when I need a distraction, I put on some music, quite loudly too, music that would be considered quite alternative, music someone my age wouldn't be expected to listen to. Man it was good. Didn't take long before I was singing away and no doubt making other people smile when we were stopped at the traffic lights. Hey, it's free entertainment! (Perhaps I should mention I was driving and not dancing and singing on the footpath.)
Sadness came today when I was reading a blog by a lady who has been going through a difficult time with one of her children. She has a diagnosis for his condition now and although in one way this makes it easier to deal with, it's also a time for a little bit of grief. It's the realisation that your child is not in the mainstream and that life is going to be challenging for them in many ways. You know you are in for continuing times of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion as you help your child to reach their full potential. You know you are in for the fight of your life so that your child has a voice, finds his or her place in the world and is recognised for their abilities as much as their disabilities.
My joy today came from three things. First I received a message from the above lady who was appreciative of some words of encouragement I left on her blog. I commented because I understand what she will be going through as I've been in her situation with one of my own children. My second very big joy came from a phone call Miss C received about having a third interview for a job. (She has been looking for work for a couple of years.) This sounds really promising as she has progressed through two interviews. The third joy came from Miss G receiving 98% for a biology test which she didn't have time to study for. She is doing two VCE subjects in year 11 and biology is one of them. Her goal is to reduce the amount of subjects she is doing next year in year 12 to 5 instead of 6 to lighten her work load. But she has to get a high score before her school will allow her to do only 5 subjects next year.
Happiness came from being out and about and being distracted in a pleasant way. From finding the perfect birthday present for a family member. The focus was off myself and onto other things. Finding a dress to wear to the ballet was pretty amazing I must say, this time last week it wasn't looking to good in that department.
So I guess I have realised again today how much distractions can help with emotional roller coastering. It can be music you find groovy, doesn't matter if someone else thinks it's rubbish. It can be from the joy of knowing you have helped someone else. And it can be from little things too.
Now I need to go and make dinner or there will be no joy at all for my hungry family!
When I get angry I just don't know what to do with it, especially when there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. As I have done on many occasions before when I need a distraction, I put on some music, quite loudly too, music that would be considered quite alternative, music someone my age wouldn't be expected to listen to. Man it was good. Didn't take long before I was singing away and no doubt making other people smile when we were stopped at the traffic lights. Hey, it's free entertainment! (Perhaps I should mention I was driving and not dancing and singing on the footpath.)
Sadness came today when I was reading a blog by a lady who has been going through a difficult time with one of her children. She has a diagnosis for his condition now and although in one way this makes it easier to deal with, it's also a time for a little bit of grief. It's the realisation that your child is not in the mainstream and that life is going to be challenging for them in many ways. You know you are in for continuing times of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion as you help your child to reach their full potential. You know you are in for the fight of your life so that your child has a voice, finds his or her place in the world and is recognised for their abilities as much as their disabilities.
My joy today came from three things. First I received a message from the above lady who was appreciative of some words of encouragement I left on her blog. I commented because I understand what she will be going through as I've been in her situation with one of my own children. My second very big joy came from a phone call Miss C received about having a third interview for a job. (She has been looking for work for a couple of years.) This sounds really promising as she has progressed through two interviews. The third joy came from Miss G receiving 98% for a biology test which she didn't have time to study for. She is doing two VCE subjects in year 11 and biology is one of them. Her goal is to reduce the amount of subjects she is doing next year in year 12 to 5 instead of 6 to lighten her work load. But she has to get a high score before her school will allow her to do only 5 subjects next year.
Happiness came from being out and about and being distracted in a pleasant way. From finding the perfect birthday present for a family member. The focus was off myself and onto other things. Finding a dress to wear to the ballet was pretty amazing I must say, this time last week it wasn't looking to good in that department.
So I guess I have realised again today how much distractions can help with emotional roller coastering. It can be music you find groovy, doesn't matter if someone else thinks it's rubbish. It can be from the joy of knowing you have helped someone else. And it can be from little things too.
Now I need to go and make dinner or there will be no joy at all for my hungry family!
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