Multiple sclerosis

Hello.  It's been a very long time since I wrote in this blog, a good thing really.  However life circumstances have changed somewhat and a feel the need to return only this time it's not to talk about depression.

In December 2017 I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis so the theme of this blog will now be about my experiences living with MS and adjusting to the new me, whatever that is.  Funnily enough, the name of my blog "Standing up When Falling Down" is still very appropriate for me as I do literally fall down at times with balance issues.

How does one begin to wrap one's head around a life changing diagnosis such as MS?  Firstly it was a relief to get a diagnosis, to know what was causing what were at times, debilitating symptoms.  It was a long process to get a diagnosis, a period of six months where I was tested for almost everything I could possibly imagine.  Thanks goes to my GP who left no stone unturned in an effort to find out the cause of my symptoms.  An MRI finally gave the definitive answer.

While discovering I had MS was a shock, my first thought was "I'm so glad I don't have cancer."  MS seemed to be in the realms of something I could manage although my knowledge of what MS is was at that time limited.  So I've been trying to educate myself on the ins and outs of this disease ever since.

Being unpredictable symptom wise is probably one of the hardest things I'm adjusting to having MS as there is little indication as to how I will feel day to day.  I do know that I can't do as much physically as I use to, that in itself is a huge source of frustration.  A keen gardener, a country girl who likes to get her hands in the soil and grow things, has given me much joy for 25 years.  That has almost come to a stand still and to be blunt, it sucks big time.  I love walking, getting out in the fresh air with my dog on a daily basis, that too has virtually come to a stop with only very short walks perhaps a couple of times a week as my energy levels permit.  The one thing I'm grateful for is I enjoy craft, crochet, knitting, sketching, these are the things that have kept me sane in some small way while energy levels have left me either in bed or sitting on the couch.   Being able to create is a very good thing when one is sitting for many hours a day.

So what do I want out of this blog now?  A place for me to ponder, wonder, think, vent, muse, learn and maybe in time, encourage.  Thank you for taking time to read if you have.  More to come soon.

Anne

Visiting my tree

It's been a long, long time since I've written a post in this space.  I think that's a good thing as it tells me I'm doing O.K.

There is a lot going on in my life right now, at home and further afield with the my Dad being so ill and all that goes on with the impending loss of a parent.

While I'm visiting my Mum on the farm in Western Australia, I'm going to take the time to visit my tree, the one in my header photo.  I'll take the time to remember how it was this tree that first inspired me to start this blog and the title of it.  I'll sit under this tree and lean against it, absorb some of the strength from a strong living part of nature.  Yes, I'm a tree hugger from way back.

It will be lovely just to sit and think, to be still.  If I stay still and quiet for long enough, the birds will get use to me being there and will hopefully come just a little closer to me so I can get a better look at them.

In times of stress, when thoughts are swirling and whirling, it's good just to slow down, to put a hold on the frantic activity that is going on inside your head.  It's almost like taking your head off, setting it aside next to you so you can rest mentally and emotionally.

So my mantra for the next few weeks will be stillness, to look for those moments even when I'm not sitting under my tree.

Anne

Contemplating

It's been quite some time since I've felt the need to write in this space.  Life has continued on as it does with the usual daily happenings, some good, some not so good.  Overall though life has been manageable with the transition of daughter number two starting university being fairly smooth.

So the next stage of life begins with children becoming more independent and not needing the same amount of parental input or do they?  Somehow in my misguided brain I thought perhaps my role as mother involving the aspects of carer, counsellor, mentor, encourager, fixer of problems, negotiator would be minimised but that is not the case.  In fact it seems I am needed more than ever but in a very different way.  However I have the knowledge that there needs to be a separation from them (the girls) so they can grow into themselves.

So how does this affect me.  Well I must admit I am somewhat apprehensive as hubby and I are about to embark on a two month holiday to Europe and perhaps underestimated that my children are really still quite  dependent on us.  Being separated will be good for both the girls and for us, but there is that side of me that is concerned (I won't say worried) that they will cope.  I suppose I must have faith that we have given them skills so they can and will rise to the occasion, to be responsible, to be resilient and to put into practice those things I've tried to help them with when it comes to managing their emotions and feelings.  I've had just a little bit of experience with that haven't I!

I have a history of not coping well with major life changes as is seen by my major depressive episodes.  So I wonder how these next changes will manifest themselves in my life.  The distractions of an overseas holiday, visiting places I have always wanted to visit, seeing things I have always wanted to see will most likely enable me to both mentally and physically begin to loosen the ties I have to my girls.  I/we have to get to a place where they are able to be who they are, be responsible for who they are with hubby and me as backups, being in the background when needed and not the driving force in their lives.  This is going to be as much a challenge for us as it is them.

While we are away we have friends and family who can give physical and emotional support if needed and for that I am grateful.   While hubby and I will be having adventures in Europe, the girls will be having adventures of another sort at home.  Some they probably won't like too much such as cooking, cleaning and running the house  :)  I hope they will embrace the freedom of not having Dad and Mum around, run with it and have a ball.

I've been thinking about post holiday life too, the goals I want to achieve.   Having things to look forward to so as not to fall in a heap after a fun time away.  There is my oil painting and the possibility of getting some work together to sell if anyone likes my work.  I have some crochet projects in mind too, another vest and a ripple blanket.  And then there is my garden which needs much work done on it, soil improvement being the first thing needing attention.

I don't do winter very well and on our return we will be in the height of winter, cold weather, rain and little sunlight.  So there will be plans for buying some flowering indoor plants, perhaps recipes to try from a cookbook or two bought from overseas.  I might even find some yarn from Europe to send back home for a special winter project, perhaps a crochet cushion cover using some new stitches I could learn.  I have also promised myself to use and learn more about my slow cooker, there has to be lots of recipes out there they don't use a tin of condensed soup in them.

This has turned into an essay of sorts, unintentional but very cathartic.

Anne

Thinking so hard it hurts

I have had a lot to think about in the last few weeks.  Thinking about how to manage stress, how to be encouraging to others when the well is dry, how to cope with disappointment and the opinions of others which don't quite hit the mark.  I'm thinking about how things change, and you don't know why, and wonder what on earth you can do to understand.  I'm thinking about how I've tried to improve situations and make changes, yet it seems to make no difference.  

I'm thinking about how to cope with hurt that was/is caused by things not intentional.  I like to hope I'm an understanding person, and I do try very hard to always see two sides of every story and  I do.  But  that doesn't stop the deep seated, lead feeling in my stomach.

I've never been one to cry easily, and it takes a lot to really upset me.  Oh yes, I get annoyed, sling off a bit about things that are stupid, but this, I'm struggling.  Sadness, it's so very different to anger.  Anger is fiery, hot, combustible.  Sadness, just sits with you, weighing you down.

Really, I am o.k.  Life has some strange stages in it, and I suppose this is just one of them to ponder and try to make sense of.  So I'll think a bit more and perhaps it will all become clearer than mud.

Anne

Handling stress and running on empty

Life is a continual juggling act I've decided.  After recently having a husband collapse at work while I was interstate visiting my parents, resolving complicated issues with one daughter and supporting the other daughter who is stressed out to the max with her last year of school, I'm feel I'm rather running on empty at the moment.

Today I thought I would visit the nearest big shopping centre as it's the only place I can buy bags for my vacuum cleaner.  While there I could have a bit of a wander, have a coffee and basically have a little me time.  WELL....that was being just a bit too hopeful, wasn't it.  I get a text message from daughter No. 1 saying "I need you mum."  My heart starts pounding, my stomach is churning, oh my, what's going on.  She came down with a migraine not long after I left home and managed a couple of hours without me.  She goes numb on one side, gets strange vision and feels rather woozy in the head.  I'm sure it must be quite horrible for her. She had done all the right things, she was in bed, had taken pain killers, had been drinking water, but she was scared because I wasn't home.  Goodness, how are these girls going to manage when hubby and I go overseas next year?!!!

I'm feeling altogether bogged down with domestic issues at the moment and am longing to have a bit of space where I can just be me without thinking about what time someone needs picking up, what's for dinner, the washing needs doing, I need to put the bread on, the biscuit tin is empty, the chooks are running out of food, does hubby need some shirts ironed for work, the floor needs vacuuming, the bathroom is mouldy, my house is messy and dusty....and all I want to do is either sleep or paint.  Blah, blah, blah!!!!!  :)  There, I've said it.  I'll be alright now, just needed to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening to my grumbles.

Anne

Surprising myself

This post has been mulling around in my mind for a few weeks after a situation which knocked me over with a feather.  Before I go any further, the situation has since been resolved but I am left wondering who I am.  Oh I know who I am, but I'm asking the question of myself, who is the person who reacted so emotionally.  I can never, ever remember being so full of despair, so gob smacked by something before.   I am the type of person who is a problem solver, I'm stubborn and never give up and I have never before felt that there was nothing I could do.

Where did that feeling leave me?  Sobbing uncontrollably for an age.  Nobody in my family knew how to help me, what to say to me, what to do.  I didn't know either.  Remembering that night is not pleasant.....realising that I could be so affected by something and have no control over my emotions was very confronting.

In relection, I've realised a number of things -

1.  I still don't know myself 100%.
2.  Some situations need time to be resolved.
3.  There are some things that are beyond my control and that's o.k.
4.  I need to develop more patience and understanding, not only with myself but with others.
5.  Communication is the single most important thing in any situation.
6.  Always try to see the big picture and be prepared to look at something from someone else's perspective.
7.  When your head is telling you to butt out of something but your intuition is telling you to butt in, follow your intuition, it's always right.
8.  Life is about expecting the unexpected.
9.  Remember that life's experiences are opportunities to learn things about other people and yourself.
10.  Emotions are a part of life even if they can sometimes be overwhelming, it's what makes us human.

May life not throw anymore surprises at me just yet, I need to take a big breath.

Anne

Catch up

It's certainly a while since I posted on this blog, so perhaps I should catch up with myself so to speak.

All is generally well with metal health issues although I know the danger time for me is looming up ahead in the cold and darker months.  I'm hoping by being aware of my vulnerabilities at this time of the year, I can put in place a few things to help maintain an even keel.

There are some things coming up on the calender to look forward to and keep me busy.  I have Miss C.'s 21st and Miss G.'s 18th birthdays which are on the 4th and 14th of June respectively.  So some planning will have to be done for the 18th b'day which will be celebrated at home.  It's time to think about decorations, food and guest lists.

I always visit my parents on the farm in July, so that is something I'm looking forward too.  It's always so nice to see them, my farming brother and his family too.  Thinking about home makes me somewhat sad as they are in the most appalling drought.  I keep reminding myself that worrying will not change a thing.

Winter is the time of year I look forward to watching some of the Tour de France.  I love the aerial shots from the helicopter and all the views of the countryside and villages the cyclist ride through.  It's almost like having a little holiday in France.

Despite the fairly happy demeanour that is portrayed on my other blog, there really are moments when I have to take stock and remember to not put any pressure on myself to be anything other than what I am.  I wish I  wasn't so needy of the good opinion of others.  I tell myself I don't need it, but if I'm honest I look for it.  Perhaps more of my focus should be on what others have to say and responding to them rather than my own posts and whether others like what I say.  This blogging business certainly is a powerful tool for encouraging and supporting others.

The issue here is (I think), is I have so much admiration and respect for the people on the blogs I follow and would like to think that a little of that was reciprocated.  However, it's not necessary to my survival :),  and I should concentrate on the things that make me happy not what I think others want to see or hear.  I really should take a big dose of my own medicine as I'm always telling others to be themselves.  It's always the way though isn't it?  It's very hard to take our own advice.  :)

So just a little catch up today.  Nothing nasty or horrible and isn't that nice!

Anne

Dreams that exhaust

Last night or early this morning I had a dream, a dream so bizarre it's not worth talking about except to say that I woke up exhausted.  This is not the only time I've been exhausted by dreams and somehow I just don't understand why.  I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck and it takes me forever to get going.

Tuesday morning is yoga morning and as I missed my class last week I really didn't want to miss another one.  So I dragged myself there as I know it's a time I can be quiet and still in my mind.  To just BE.  Well this is what we strive for in yoga, to be in the moment, to be in tune with your body etc.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles with thinking about everyday thoughts, things to be done at home instead of being in the moment.  "Chattering monkeys" is what my yoga teacher calls them.  However this morning I had "chattering monkeys" and a body that just didn't want to move to deal with.

I always believed sleep should  be a time of rest and rejuvenation, a relaxing of the body and mind but now I'm not so sure.  I'd like to know what causes this exhaustion after dreams as it sets me up for a very lethargic day.  Does anyone else have this happen?  I'd love to know.

Anne

Visiting my tree

It's time for me to visit my tree again to remind myself I can indeed stand up when I'm falling down.  The past few months have been nice ones with school holidays taking away much of the daily stress that contributes so much to how I feel.  Well the holidays are well and truly over and it's back to the normal routine with a few changes here and there.

Miss G. is in her last year of school and with it bringing many new challenges for her.  She has a lighter load than other students as she put in a lot of hard work last year to complete two VCE subjects.  That means she has more free time during the school day and is able to get some of her homework done at school.  We hope this means life will be a little easier for her at home, but it doesn't seem to be working out that way so far.  We have had quite a few discussions on how to manage time, be organised etc., all those things essential for reducing stress.  Hopefully some of it will be taken on board.  She has a leadership position this year which brings it's own set of stresses, however she seems to be thriving in the environment which is good.

This is such an interesting time for both of us, as a teenager becomes closer to the age of legally being an adult, the transition to making their own decisions and being responsible for themselves but also still needing support from Mum and Dad.  I'm sure it must be quite frustrating, exciting and a little bit scary for her.  Meanwhile I sit back and observe and hope I can offer sound advice if she asks for it. 

So the focus this year will be very much on Miss G. and while this is as it needs to be, in amongst the craziness this year will bring, I need to remember to look after me so I can look after her.  And how best to do that is something I'm experimenting with.  I have done a lot of soul searching about what is important to me and I still come back to things like, being still, being in the moment, being quiet.  Rushing around and being too busy is not for me.  I am looking at a book from the library at the moment with advice that is relevent to where I think my state of mind and body should be.  I've found it to be quite comforting and if when I get to the end I still like it, I might purchase a copy to have on my bedside table.

Another thing I'm finding helpful to get the day of to a better start is to clear my mind and sit for a few minutes to just be.  I am trying to walk in the morning for exercise and am finding that I'm out the door in a big rush before I've had time to do this.  Time constraints and all that.  Still, it's something I can keep working toward.

It's been nice visiting my tree again.  I'm so glad I have this space/place to mull things over.

Anne

Update

It's been a while since I posted on this blog and I think (?), possibly that's a good thing.  I do find summer (what little we are having with all the rain) so much easier to cope with.  There is more light for one thing and I'm not cold.  When it isn't raining, the back yard is another room for playing in, whether that be gardening or watching dragonflies.

I've had the odd moments of despair and anxiety during the lead up to Christmas and the past week or so, but overall I'm travelling o.k.  School holidays are nice for me as Miss G. is relaxed and not bringing her stress home.  I'm quietly contemplating how I will manage this year with her being in her last year of school.  This is the big one.  I guess it will be managed by remembering to take one step at a time, not panic and not take on her stress. 

This Sunday I will be going to visit my parents in W.A. on the farm where I grew up.  I'll be there just over a week and am looking forward to seeing wide open spaces, lots of sunshine, plenty of hot weather and of course my family.  I might even take a walk to look at my "Standing Up When Falling Down" tree in my blog photo if I can dodge the snakes and not enhale too many flies. :) 

I hope everyone else is going o.k. and hopefully I might come back with some nice photos to share.

Bye for now,

Anne

Revisiting the big black hole

So it's happened again.  I'm in that big black hole of nothingness where my bed is my sanctuary and sleep my best friend.  I'm still struggling to work out what triggered this episode.  Perhaps it's best not to think about why and put in place the very small steps to find my way out of it.

I can start that process by being grateful for an understanding husband and two daughters who are old enough to pitch in and help out around the house.  I do not like my daughters to see their mother in bed all day, crying, curled up in a ball, seemingly unable to function and do the basics like have a shower.  Miss G. goes off to school retreat tomorrow for 3 days and I don't want her to go off with an image of me like this.  I do think she knows me well enough to know that this sojourn into the black hole will pass in time.


I know there is an element of acceptance I need to have about this ongoing condition I battle with, but you know what, I'm just a bit over it all.  There is such a huge part of me that wants/needs to get out there and do stuff, but I just can't physically or mentally make myself do it.  I guess that's the fatigue aspect that comes with depression.

Tomorrow is a new day, perhaps bringing with it a more positive outlook.  One can only hope.  That's a key word isn't?  Hope.

Anne

Sleeping should be for sleeping

When I go to bed at night, sometimes quite late, the most important thing on my mind is sleep.  You know that period of time when you have a rest from all things, supposedly.  It should be a physical, mental and emotional rest, supposedly.  Sometimes that just doesn't happen.

I can't remember how many evenings I've been yawning my head off, I'm really tired and sleepy, ready for bed, yet when I get there I'm wide awake.  I use to fret incredibly about the sleep I wasn't getting, how tired I would be the next day but now I just get up and do something until I get sleepy again and usually on my return to bed I will sleep.

So I've learnt to cope with that and insomnia to some extent.  What I haven't come to terms with is nocturnal panic attacks.  Last week during a blissful sleep, supposedly, I awoke to find myself sitting up in bed, heart racing, feeling nauseous, wondering what on earth was going on.  It took me a moment to realise I was having a nocturnal panic attack, got back in control by seeing it for what is was and breathing away the panic.  Where on earth do they come from?  I had nothing particularly distressing on my mind, I had been in a reasonably positive frame of mind during the day so I cannot connect it to anything.  It's not as if I'd been thinking about something and off I went.  I mean for goodness sake, I WAS SLEEPING!!!

So I'm wondering how much of what we feel deep down and choose not to think about during the day, gets processed in our subconscious while we are sleeping?  If that's the case, then our subconscious is not very nice to us.  How many of you have had or suffer from nocturnal panic attacks and what are your coping strategies.  Does anyone know why we have nocturnal panic attacks?

Anne

Where's the sunshine gone

This weekend is really a bit off a fizzer as far as sunshine goes.  That's not only weather wise but for me too.  I really dislike waking up with that heavy feeling in my body and the immediate thought that goes with it, oh no, it's going to be one of those days.  Well I have to say that rather than wallow in my I don't want to get out of bed feeling, I now try to think this is not a good start to the day....but it may get better.

When my lovely hubbie asks me if I'm o.k., I can say "Today is not a good day for me, but I'll be o.k."  And I will be.  Isn't it nice to have reached a place where I can say and think that?  This morning being Sunday I have the luxury of not having to be out the door to take Miss G. to school, my family is home and we are all relaxing or pottering around the house doing bits and pieces.  I have decided to spend a little extra time in bed this morning, just slowly working my way up into the day, not pressuring myself to get on with the laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, the baking that needs doing or tidying up my never ending mess.  Instead I've had a cup of tea, breakfast and morning coffee, all in bed :-)  And of course reading the blogs I follow (laptops are wonderful as is wireless internet connection), making a few comments here and there, and dealing with a few very NASTY hot flushes.  I'm taking the time to think about creative ideas that are running around in my head, being inspired but other people's creativity and making a list of things I'd like to make.

Last night I made some Christmas baubles for the girls to hang on their bedroom doorknobs.  If you follow my other blog, you will already know this, sorry.  The enjoyment I get out of having an idea in my head and then actually bringing it to fruition is so rewarding.  A huge part of the joy of creating is sharing it with others.  I really love the internet and blogging for this very reason, the sharing and caring with heaps of wonderful people.

On a slightly different note, I would like to mention an experience I had late Friday afternoon which brought home to me how fortunate I really am and in comparison to some other people.  I was at the local pharmacy to pick up my happy pills (as I call them) and bumped into an acquaintance of some 15 years or so.  Some of our children were at primary school together so there is a connection of sorts.  We were asking how our respective families were going and I learnt in this particular family, the son who has just turned 20 is suffering a rare and aggressive form of cancer which needs to be treated with an equally aggressive type of chemo for a year.  The young man who is sick only has one kidney, so there are many things to be concerned about.  The mother suffers extreme anxiety and depression and has been very unwell for two years and is basically housebound.  Her illness started before the son was diagnosed with cancer.  The father, whom I was talking to, had two years previously been suffering a digestive disorder which now thankfully is under control.  The father is the sons carer and a daughter is the mothers carer.  So you see, in comparison what do I have to complain about?  Very little.

Tomorrow the sunshine will be out and as I'm typing this I can see out my bedroom window the clouds clearing and blue sky is showing.

Anne

I've over done it

Do you ever feel good, so wonderfully good that you think you can conquer the world?  You do too much in one big hit and then you pay for it, coming down with a resounding crash.  That's me, I've gone and over done it, again.  You would think I would have learnt by now to pace myself, but no, my enthusiasm gets the better of me and off I go doing goodness knows what. 

Perhaps I'm subconsciously making up for a long cold winter spell of achieving zilch and all the sunshine has gone to my head.  I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation when the sun shines and I need to go and fatten up for any lean times ahead, figuratively speaking.

I think tomorrow I'll be slowing down my mind and body, going about the business of housework slowly with many cups of tea in between the bathroom cleaning and the vacuuming.  Perhaps if I think calmly, I'll be calm and not worked up into a flurry.  Sometimes this works for me when I'm running a bit late.  I'll be driving in a highly anxious state and when I think about it, being anxious and uptight isn't going to get me to my destination any quicker so I might as well lower those shoulders that are hunched up around my chin, take a big breath and just breathe.  Easier said than done isn't it?  I'd love to know how others handle tendencies to over do things and how to slow down the mind and body.

Sometimes it's better not to think

I believe I may have another addiction....blogging and reading blogs.  I'm finding it takes up an incredible amount of time each day reading and posting and I'm wondering if this a good use of time.  I may have mentioned before that I'm a bit obsessive about many things and blogging has been added to that list.

Having learnt over the years that I need to think about where my black times come from, analyse thought patterns etc, I find that sometimes I can over think.  Is there such a thing?  For me there is.  A part of the fun of blogging for me is discovering new people, new ideas, people who share similar interests etc.  Yesterday I discovered a blog by a 30 year old something mum who seems to run her own business, has had 4 children in about 5 years, the most recent addition is only about 2 weeks old.  Her hubbie is about to start a new job and will be living away from home during the week.  I had to stop reading about this particular family's life as I found it stressful just thinking about it.  Silly me went back for another look today and I got stressed all over again.

I think I have just learnt a very valuable lesson here.  There is a time when I need to switch of from those things I have no need to think about.  I would love to send this lovely lady messages of encouragement, see how she is coping but I just can't do it.  One of the reasons I think is that I had such a stressful time when my girls were babies.  I had severe post natal depression, anxiety, panic attacks, basically the lot.  Even though this lady seems to be doing very well, I find myself thinking about how hard it must be for her, and I just can't afford to think about that.  Does that make me weird or just very sensitive?  Don't think it matters either way really, I just need to look after my head space.

Perhaps I should limit my time on the computer each day too as at the moment I feel like it might be taking over my life.  I wonder if I'll manage to implement this change.   No too hopeful on that one.  Some obsessions are just so enjoyable. :-)

Anne

Returning to normal ?

Our lovely visitor (my nephew) has left and our house is strangely quiet.  It's quite amazing how the addition of one person can liven up a household.  We all have our routines, our habits and it is interesting to observe how these are changed when someone else comes to stay.  I enjoyed getting out and about a little more than usual, visiting a few places I haven't been to for a while.

We live very close to temperate rain forest and as my nephew loves to walk, we went for a walk in the forest to see a small waterfall.  I had forgotten just how lovely it is to walk in the forest and really enjoyed being reminded that this beautiful place lies on our doorstep.  The smell of the trees, the tree ferns, the undergrowth, the damp earth and all the birds making their different calls was delightful. 

My nephew comes from a dry region in Australia where it rains infrequently and running water is a novelty.  I was delighted to see the enthusiasm on his face at the sight of the small waterfall and what is really just a small creek.  We spent a very pleasant 20 minutes standing on the little bridge watching the water and tossing in leaves and twigs to see them rushing over the rocks and into the distance.  My nephew was itching to get his hands in the running water, so after a quick scramble down the embankment that's just what he did.  The enthusiasm of youth is infectious and we spent a large amount of time laughing at silly things and generally having fun.

My two daughters who are 20 and 17 enjoyed spending time with their cousin who they rarely see.  The last night he stayed with us, the four of us got caught up in a cushion fight (which I started I might add) and I can't remember the last time I laughed so much my belly hurt.  There is something quite liberating about trying to hit a very tall, strong  22 year old nephew on the head with a cushion, grabbing cushions off your opponent, dancing around chairs and sofas to avoid getting hit on the head yourself.  :-)  Don't you think it's great that a 48 year old auntie and mother can start a cushion fight and enjoy it?  Oh the bliss of not acting ones age!!!  :-)

I would have to say that I very successfully spent 3 days living in the moment while my nephew was staying with us.  Very pleasant moments they were too.

I hope everyone is going well and thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.

Anne

Handling the off days

I suppose it had to end, the feeling good every day.  What a lovely holiday it was waking up feeling happy, refreshed, enthusiastic and well, just well.  Today I'm off colour in every respect, but you know what, even though I feel out of it, it's o.k.  This too shall pass and who knows by this evening I may well be feeling better.

I am continually surprised by how much I am affected by stress, little stresses, big stresses, they are a direct link to my overall sense of well being.  The stress of a situation or situations is generally not going to disappear immediately.  So the question might be how to manage these so that they have minimal effect on how we feel?  Still learning how to do that but a very good start might be by living in the moment.  When I live in the moment, I'm hopefully thinking about what I'm doing right now, not about how I'm going to manage the next 6 hours or even the next 5 minutes.  I find this very hard to do because I'm generally someone who likes to be organised and plan ahead.  Sometimes that just does my head in, especially on off days.

We have a visitor coming, someone I'm looking very much forward to spending time with and I'm so annoyed that I'm feeling off.  The annoyance isn't helping me one bit, so I need to remember that people who come to visit, come to see us, not the house, the dog who smells and needs a bath, the floor that needs washing, the windows that desperately need cleaning from the dog slobber.  There will be a bed, food, shelter, love, laughter and friendship.  They are the important things, yes?

I'm about to live in the moment of eating some honey on toast (yummy homemade bread) and a lovely cup of tea.  Let the rest of the day take care of itself.

Anne

Muddling along

It's been quite a while since posting on here and I think that is mainly a good thing.  I certainly have enjoyed feeling better the last few weeks and I'm positive the nicer weather has had an impact on me.  In complete contrast to yesterday which was sunny, warm and about 28C, today is gloomy and raining with 19mm of rain falling overnight.  I do love the rain for the garden, for adding water to our water reservoirs but please bring back the sun.  PLEASE!!!

I found the stress reducing commandments below over on the delightful blog Marigold Jam.
I've seen them somewhere else before but had completely forgotten about them.  I think I might just have to add them as a permanent fixture on this blog to remind myself how important they are.

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR REDUCING STRESS

1 Thou shalt not be perfect nor even try to be

2 Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people

3 Thou shalt leave undone some things which ought to be done

4 Thou shalt not spread thyself too thin

5 Thou shalt learn to say "No"

6 Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy supportive network

7 Thou shalt switch off and do nothing regularly

8 Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and inattentive at times

9 Thou shalt not ever feel guilty

10 Especially thou shalt not be thine own worst enemy but thy best friend

I've certainly learnt some of the things on this marvellous list, others I fail at dismally.  I grapple with No. 1 continually.  I am a perfectionist by nature so living with untidyness drives me nuts.  

I would like to add another commandment to this list, 'Thou shalt not apologise to anyone for who you are.'   It's very easy to be concerned about what other people think of you when your house is less than tidy and needs a good clean.  You are still in your Pj's at 11.00am on a Saturday morning blogging when other people are out doing the weekly shop, taking the kids to sport or doing some other industrious thing.  Your mind is on some wonderful creative activity instead of making sure your daughters school clothes are being washed so she will have something to wear come Monday morning.  All in good time, it will get done eventually, just not yet.  Surely it's time for a nap.

Today might be a little less wonderful than yesterday but I'll find some things to make me smile.  I'll daydream a bit more about designing images for a lino print and try and try to loose the feeling that I might make a mistake and mess it up.  (The perfectionist side is coming out).  I'll take pleasure in the fact that yesterday I made a lovely shell and button hanging thingy to put out in my garden room.  And I'll certainly be smiling when my hubbie walks back through the door after taking Miss G. to swimming squad.

I hope everyone finds something to smile about today.

Anne

No blues

Hi there.  Something very exciting has happened to me,  I've had about 5 days of being happy all day!  I can't remember feeling so good for such a long time and I'm enjoying every moment of it.  I've had to deal with a number of things which would normally do my head in, but I've coped remarkably well.

I have been totally immersed in creativity which may have something to do with it, or perhaps it's more daylight hours and I'm making vitamin D.  I don't really care what the explanation is, I'm enjoying the ride.

This morning I attempted to make my own stamps for the first time.  Inspiration for this project lies firmly with Chantal    of  Chantal Vincent Art.  I'll probably show the results on my other blog.  It was nice to be learning a new crafty skill, another thing to add to my growing list of crafty interests.

I must away to pick up Miss G. from school.

Have a great weekend,
Anne

Lost in a world of creativity

In complete contrast to yesterday, today has been a better day.  Routines are good things as they force you to be active.  So much so that I even swept and mopped the floor and now I feel like I've got some head space.  Back to that thought in a moment.

My oil painting classes resumed today so I was able to enter that magical world of creativity, being lost in strokes of brush against canvas, colours, the smell of paint and turps.  A little bit of conversation with fellow artists, admiring the photos and paintings our teacher took and painted from her recent trip to France (she flew in this morning) and the the tranquility that comes from doing something you love.

Before painting class I cut out a pattern to make a little bird made from fabric.  I've been yearning to make some since I've started blogging and seen them on other blogs.  They look so cute.  So two creative opportunities in one day  Sigh.  (A good sigh).

Back to thoughts on head space.  Does anyone have a theory on why clutter in our houses makes us feel like we are cluttered in the head?  I'd like to understand the psychology behind it.