Friday, April 20, 2012


It's been quite some time since I've felt the need to write in this space.  Life has continued on as it does with the usual daily happenings, some good, some not so good.  Overall though life has been manageable with the transition of daughter number two starting university being fairly smooth.

So the next stage of life begins with children becoming more independent and not needing the same amount of parental input or do they?  Somehow in my misguided brain I thought perhaps my role as mother involving the aspects of carer, counsellor, mentor, encourager, fixer of problems, negotiator would be minimised but that is not the case.  In fact it seems I am needed more than ever but in a very different way.  However I have the knowledge that there needs to be a separation from them (the girls) so they can grow into themselves.

So how does this affect me.  Well I must admit I am somewhat apprehensive as hubby and I are about to embark on a two month holiday to Europe and perhaps underestimated that my children are really still quite  dependent on us.  Being separated will be good for both the girls and for us, but there is that side of me that is concerned (I won't say worried) that they will cope.  I suppose I must have faith that we have given them skills so they can and will rise to the occasion, to be responsible, to be resilient and to put into practice those things I've tried to help them with when it comes to managing their emotions and feelings.  I've had just a little bit of experience with that haven't I!

I have a history of not coping well with major life changes as is seen by my major depressive episodes.  So I wonder how these next changes will manifest themselves in my life.  The distractions of an overseas holiday, visiting places I have always wanted to visit, seeing things I have always wanted to see will most likely enable me to both mentally and physically begin to loosen the ties I have to my girls.  I/we have to get to a place where they are able to be who they are, be responsible for who they are with hubby and me as backups, being in the background when needed and not the driving force in their lives.  This is going to be as much a challenge for us as it is them.

While we are away we have friends and family who can give physical and emotional support if needed and for that I am grateful.   While hubby and I will be having adventures in Europe, the girls will be having adventures of another sort at home.  Some they probably won't like too much such as cooking, cleaning and running the house  :)  I hope they will embrace the freedom of not having Dad and Mum around, run with it and have a ball.

I've been thinking about post holiday life too, the goals I want to achieve.   Having things to look forward to so as not to fall in a heap after a fun time away.  There is my oil painting and the possibility of getting some work together to sell if anyone likes my work.  I have some crochet projects in mind too, another vest and a ripple blanket.  And then there is my garden which needs much work done on it, soil improvement being the first thing needing attention.

I don't do winter very well and on our return we will be in the height of winter, cold weather, rain and little sunlight.  So there will be plans for buying some flowering indoor plants, perhaps recipes to try from a cookbook or two bought from overseas.  I might even find some yarn from Europe to send back home for a special winter project, perhaps a crochet cushion cover using some new stitches I could learn.  I have also promised myself to use and learn more about my slow cooker, there has to be lots of recipes out there they don't use a tin of condensed soup in them.

This has turned into an essay of sorts, unintentional but very cathartic.